Our school recently held its Kindergarten Roundup. It is always a fun time as the Preschoolers get a sneak peek into what Kindergarten will be like. As the Kindergarten aide, I got to help with Roundup and witness firsthand those eager little ones experiencing a little bit of life as a Kindergartener. Some came roaring into the classroom with no apparent apprehension whatsoever. Others lingered for a while near mom or dad before slowly beginning to explore the world of Kindergarten. Everyone seemed to enjoy their time, and I imagine they can hardly wait for the next five or so months to pass by.
I have helped at Roundup night before, but this year was a little different. The thought never left my mind that Anna would have been at this one. She would have been one of those five year olds eager to move on to the next step. I watched those children and wondered which one Anna would have been most like. Confident, tentative, social, shy...which of those characteristics would have been most apparent? Which of those other little girls would she have formed close friendships with? Would she still have her eye on the same little boy she liked to call her "boyfriend" in her brief time in preschool?
As the years pass by, I don't doubt that I will always be aware of where Anna would have been, and that on occasions such as these I will be full of wonderings about what she would have been like. But I was surprised, though I probably shouldn't have been, by the intensity of it all that day. I try to prepare myself for events like these, but the power of the emotions continues to catch me off guard at times. And I know there is a lifetime of events like this to come. First days of school, school productions, high school graduation...I will always in my mind and heart see one more face, one more beautiful smile among the rest of the kids.
I miss you so much, my beautiful Anna, everyday!