Imagine...

I Can Only Imagine……

I can only imagine

What it will be like

When I walk by your side.

I can only imagine

What my eyes will see

When your face is before me.

I can only imagine.

Surrounded by your glory,

What will my heart feel?

Will I dance for you Jesus,

Or in awe of you be still?

Will I stand in your presence,

Or to my knees will I fall?

Will I sing Hallelujah?

Will I be able to speak at all?

I can only imagine!

I can only imagine,

When that day comes,

And I find myself

Standing in the sun.

I can only imagine

When all I will do

Is forever, forever worship you.

I can only imagine.

One of the hard parts about losing a child is the fact that you have to send them somewhere you’ve never been before.  Usually we parents like to know what we are getting our kids into, and if we are not there with them, we want to be able to visualize at least a little what they are doing.  But my little girl is in heaven.  I know it is an unimaginably wonderful place, but I’ve never been there.  I can’t know what it’s like; I can’t know what she is doing there.  I can trust completely that there is no need to worry about her.  When your child is at school or daycare or camp, it is in the child’s best interest for the parents to be aware of what is happening there – the more you are aware the better.  I know that’s not the case here.  It does not benefit Anna for me to know what heaven is like for her.  But I ache to know more details about heaven.  God has apparently given me all the details that I need but I sometimes want more information!!

So I imagine.  I can only imagine.

I love the Mercy Me song, “I Can Only Imagine.”  It’s been a favorite since before Anna got sick, but as with so many things it has taken on new meaning.  I used to think, as I listened to this song, mostly about what I would do when I got to heaven – would I be able to speak or just be overcome with awe?  Would I stand before Jesus or fall to my knees?  But now my imaginings focus on Anna.  What is it like for her to be in heaven in the presence of God?

I can only imagine.

Surrounded by your glory,

What will my heart feel?

Will I dance for you Jesus,

Or in awe of you be still?

Will I stand in your presence,

Or to my knees will I fall?

Will I sing Hallelujah?

Will I be able to speak at all?

I can only imagine!

Does she dance for Jesus?  It’s not hard to picture her dancing!  She loved to dance!!

Is she so in awe that she is still?  She was often shy; it always took her a while to warm up to people.  It’s so much on a smaller scale, but when she finally had her wish to meet Cinderella come true, Anna could only look at her in wonder.  Imagine what it is like to meet God face to face!

Does she sing “Hallelujah?”  She loved to sing, and she loved the word “Hallelujah.”  She always sang it with her tongue sticking out a little further than most people – I think to try to get the “L” sound out. 

Or is she silently observing and just soaking it all in?  I can imagine her being silent, just watching and taking it all in, at least at first.

I can only imagine. 

Someday I’ll see.  Someday it will be my turn to stand in the presence of God, and I can only imagine how full of gratitude I will be to God for making it possible for me to be reunited with my precious daughter.  I can only imagine how I could possibly show my thanks to God for taking away sin’s curse and making heaven and heavenly reunions ours to cherish. 

I can only imagine life for Anna in heaven.  I can only imagine my reaction when I get to heaven.  But I can hardly wait!