Wannabe Runner

“Don’t try to be something you’re not!”  Good advice, right?  Well I am not a runner, but I am ignoring the wise advice and trying to be one anyway.  I know I won’t ever be an “official” runner (although I don’t know what the qualifications would be for me to be official) but I do have a goal of running a half marathon before 2011 is over, so for now I am pretending to be a runner, though it doesn’t take much to see through this charade.

My sister, Jen, is a runner.  She hasn’t always run consistently, but when she wants to be a runner it seems far easier for her to step into the role .    Right now she is training for a marathon, her second, this time to honor Anna and raise money for cancer research.  We are touched that she is running for Anna and to make a difference, and I admire her determination and hard work more than I can say!  (Keep that in mind if I say anything that sounds critical of her in the sentences to come!) 

Jen has a blog with her training progress – check it out and support her!  She offered to let me be a guest writer on her blog, if I would like, but there are major differences between her training and mine which I wasn’t sure I should put up for such close comparison.  As sisters, there is a lot we have in common, but we are quite different in many ways!  She subscribes to Runner's World; I subscribe to TV Guide.  Side by side, our blog post for a week would look something like this:

Monday

Jen:  “My goal was to run 12 miles today, but I was really tired from a busy weekend and I only made it 11.5.  I know I can do better next time!”

Me:  “My goal was to get out of bed and run today, but I was really tired from a busy weekend, so that didn’t happen.  I’m quite proud of myself for even thinking about running!”

Tuesday

Jen:  “It’s amazing how good I’ve felt running lately!  Even on my sluggish days, I’m making personal bests for time and distance!”

Me:  “It’s amazing that I ever thought I should try to be a runner!  Why did I tell everyone I wanted to run a half-marathon?  Now I have to keep training for it or I’ll look like a loser!”

Wednesday

Jen:  “Today was a scheduled short run (5 miles) so I decided to see how fast I could run it.  I thought I’d be able to sustain a 9 minute mile, but, WOW, my Garmin showed that I maintained an 8 minute mile pace!”

Me:  “What’s a Garmin?”

Thursday

Jen:  “Today was a scheduled off day, but I felt so good I got up at 4 a.m. anyhow and went for a quick 6 mile run!”

Me:  “I was hoping to run 3 miles today, but it started sprinkling after a half mile so I turned around and went back.  WooHoo!  1 mile done!!!  Half marathon, Here I Come!”

Friday

Jen:  “Today I ran 12 miles.  It was easier than I expected!  I maintained just under a 10 minute mile pace.”

Me:  “Great run today!  I had a steady 10 minute mile pace – for the first half mile!”

Saturday

Jen:  “Wow!  I thought I could run forever today!  Feeling great even after an intense week of training!”

Me:  “Wow!  Great week!  I ran three days, so today I took a well-deserved break from running!” 

You get the idea.  My goal is not to mock my sister (really!!!), but only to point out some of these differences between us when it comes to running!

But I have asked myself WHY she is so much better at this than I am.  (I’m sure it has nothing to do with our choice of magazine subscriptions!)  And I have concluded that I have some very legitimate excuses reasons why I don’t do as well as she does. 

1:  I think I’ve got a good 25-30 pounds on her.  It has to be easier to run when you don’t have as much weight to carry around! 

2:  Bugs.  She runs in Nevada, where she doesn’t need to swat flies and mosquitoes throughout her entire run.

3:  Humidity.  Again, much harder here in the Midwest when the air is so wet you can barely breathe.

4:  Animals.  Yeah, I know, there are animals in Nevada, but only things like rattlesnakes, coyotes, and mountain lions.  They are more scared of her than she is of them!  I’ve got to be on the lookout for the definitely-not-more-scared-of-me-than-I-am-of-them vicious and overprotective farm dogs.  Plus the raccoons, and the skunks, which even when I don’t see them I often smell them, and it’s not easy to run while holding my breath!

So I think that Jen needs to try this.  She should first put on a sauna suit, like this one,

then strap three ten pound weights to her body, and run while holding her breath and continuously and vigorously waving her hands around her face and head.  We’ll see what pace/distance she can do then!!! 

Jen might try to respond and come up with a few things that make running where she lives more difficult.  All I would say to that is “Excuses, excuses!!!!”