Connections

Who do you connect with?  I connect with different people for different reasons, which is true for everyone I am sure.  Last week I had the opportunity to connect with people in a really neat way.

Truth be told, though, I wish I would never have met them, and I’m sure they wish they had never met me!  For what brought us together was the common bond that each of us had outlived one (or more) of our children. 

Our family spent some time last week at Faith’s Lodge, in the NW woods of Wisconsin.  Faith’s parents created this amazing place in her memory.  In some ways a visit there is similar to other vacations, with opportunities to hike, canoe, sit around a campfire, see wildlife, sleep in, read, relax, etc. 

But what made this time more special for us were the opportunities to remember Anna.  We were able to paint a memorial rock for her, and place it among the other tribute rocks.  As a family, we painted a birdhouse and included her name and the dates she lived.  I decorated a journal that I can use as I think of her. 

Even more than the projects and the relaxation and the fun, it was those connections that were made that made the time most memorable.  Early on, the parents shared the stories of the lives their children lived.  It makes a difference to be able to introduce yourself to people who understand that in order to know you, they have to know the story of your child, because it is a HUGE part of who we are.  It is awful to have to share such a story, and wonderful to know that those hearing it “get it.” 

There is immense relief in being asked questions that many people feel they shouldn’t ask.  There is similar relief in feeling comfortable being the asker, because even though the questions are difficult to answer, additional healing comes with each opportunity to talk about each child and the circumstances that led us to a bereavement retreat. 

I do not want to minimize the support we have received from those who have not experienced the death of a child.  Far from it.  I am forever grateful for the many ways that people have reached out and showed they care in abundant ways.

There is just something – an amazing connection – that comes with this huge shared experience.  Not a surprise that there is, really, but still I am thankful for those I met and talked with at Faith’s Lodge, for understanding and being understood.

It’s not often that farewells are so difficult after so short a time, but it was far from easy to say goodbye to those we met.  It makes me wish that more people would really “get it,” but then again, I’m very thankful that they don’t.  I wish that no one would have need of such a bereavement retreat.

We do feel blessed and grateful for the connections we made!